I spend all year trying to avoid commercials like the plague.  I have a DVR, and will rarely watch anything live.  I think there are a lot of people like me out there, but for some reason every year I make the horrendous mistake of watching the commercials during the Super Bowl.  And every year I'm crushed with disappointment.  This year, I learned the following from the Super Bowl ad geniuses:

1.  Apparantly Beer executives think that everyone on the planet is a complete Corky from Life Goes On.  I don't think I saw one commercial where it didn't involve people acting like idiots to get Beer.

2. The people who make car ads need to be brained with iron rods.  Beat a little life into them.  Hey, I like The Dude from Big Lebowski as much as the next guy, but those Hyundai commercials he voices make me want to drink arsenic.

3.  The only abortion Tim Tebow should be worrying about is the abortion of his dreams to be an NFL QB.

4.  The people who make Doritos ads are on hard drugs.

5.  Danika Patrick seems to always be the LEAST attractive female in the GoDaddy.com ads?  That just doesn't make sense to me.

6.  I'm not going to watch them next year.  That is why I pay to have a DVR.

In the world of Fantasy 3-on-3 Tournaments, the mighty Minnesota Timberwolves, led by their spiritual leader, Kurt Rambis, have beaten the Boston Celtics handily to win the not-that-coveted title her on the not-that-popular blog, thoughtsfromthejockstrap.com.

As a Celtics fan, am I bitter?   Of course.  Nonetheless, congrats to the Wolves and their fans.

A dream matchup for the bitter Wolves fans who lost KG to the Celtics a few years back.  KG is on the sidelines for this one, but his ghost lingers.  The Rambis Effect can no longer be denied.  How else can you explain the little train that could (Wolves) making it this far with one of the worst point guards of the past 5 years to steadily retain employment (Jason Hart), and a still injured under-producing big man (Al Jefferson).  I have a rooting interest in this one, but we'll just see how it goes.

Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Boston Celtics:

Wolves:
Kurt Rambis (coach)
Al Jefferson
Jason Hart

Celtics
Doc Rivers (coach)
Paul Pierce
J.R. Giddens

It's up to you, America. (all 100 of you who check this blog regularly, anyway.)

We've made it this far, and it looks like the new mantra of the Fantsay Wolves should be the words of Starship, nothin's gonna stop us now. Good luck.   

Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Milwaukee Bucks:

Wolves:
Kurt Rambis (coach)
Al Jefferson
Jason Hart

Bucks:
Scott Skiles (coach)
Brandon Jennings
Fransisco Elson

Matchup Notes:  The Wolves now have more wins in the Fantasy 3-on-3 Tournament than they do in real life, which is really no surprise.  I think the main lesson I've learned in this exercise is this: Do not underestimate the power of Rambis. 

Utah Jazz vs. Boston Celtics:

 Jazz:
Jerry Sloan (coach)
Deron Williams
Kosta Koufos

Celtics
Doc Rivers (coach)
Paul Pierce
J.R. Giddens

Matchup Notes:  The Finals series of my dreams.  This will probably only happen in a fantasy tournament, and it ain't because of the Celtics.  I'll bet Doc Rivers still looks good in his nut-hugger shorts, by the way.  That being said, FEAR SLOAN. 

Congrats to the BYU Cougars on beating the Utes this year 26-23.  The Cougars outplayed the Utes and came away with a good win. Unfortunately, the focus has been taken off of the game for some dumb reasons. There has been a lot of talk and banter in these parts of the nation about these comments made after the game by Max Hall in regard to Utah:

"I don't like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, their fans. I hate everything," Hall said Saturday.

"It felt really good to send those guys home. I think the whole university and their fans and the organization is classless," Hall continued. "They threw beer on my family and stuff last year and did a whole bunch of nasty things. I don't respect them and they deserved to lose."

Now, a lot of people have their panties in a twist because this was obviously not a really smart thing to say.  Max represents a Christian University (and let's not remind him that the President of his church, and the president of his own University graduated from Utah) and because of that, he should probably have chosen his words more wisely.  But really, he's just an immature college kid whose emotions got the best of-err, I mean, he's TWENTY FREAKING FOUR, MARRIED AND WENT ON A MISSION.  Really, I don't care what Max Hall thinks about Utah.  I kind of like that he actually just spoke his mind and said it like he sees it, wether it was idiotic or not. 

The only problem I have with it, is that after the way Max Hall played Saturday, he really just needs to keep his damn mouth shut and be greatful for the win.  In fact, in 3 career games against Utah, here is how Hall has fared:

50/113 ATT/COMP
44.2% COMPLETION%
608 YDS
2 TDS
6 INTS
84.7 RATING (Would be a 45.1 Rating in the NFL, which uses a different system.)

I know the Cougars were 2-1 against Utah over this span, but Hall had little to do with it, with the defense keeping BYU in the2 wins and Hall almost single handedly giving the loss away to Utah last year. 

Yes, Hall made a few big plays in the game, but my point is this: if you played like crap, don't degrade the other team, just be happy for the win and keep your mouth shut. 

Oh, and one other thing, Maxi, stop dropping so many "F-Bombs" on the sideline and tell Harvery Unga to stop yelling "G-D" as well, please, it isn't becoming of you.   

THE END

Round 2 is in the books, with much better matchups than round one.  This round should be even better than the last.  For me, there was one major surprise and that is that the Lakers lost.  Usually, there are enough Kobe fans to push them through, even if this were a Kobe vs. LeBron and Dwayne Wade in a 1-on-2 tournament.

Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Oklahoma City Thunder:

Wolves:
Kurt Rambis (coach)
Al Jefferson
Jason Hart

Thunder:
Scotty Brooks (coach)
Kevin Durant
Ryan Bowen

Matchup Notes:The Wolves won the closest contest to date, with a 53%-47% victory over the Blazers.  You know it's a fantasy tournament when these teams make it to the final 8, but really, this might be one of the best matchups.  Both coaches look like they could still scrum, both teams have good tall people.  In the end, I wonder if Scotty Brooks would pull a Kevin McHale and foul the poo out of Rambis.  It worked for the Celtics in 84, could it work for the Thunder here?

Miami Heat vs. Milwaukee Bucks:

Heat:
Erik Spoelstra (coach)
Dwayne Wade
Jamaal Magloire

Bucks:
Scott Skiles (coach)
Brandon Jennings
Fransisco Elson

Matchup Notes:The Heat and Bucks won easily in the last round.  I cannot easily predict this one, nor do I want to, but I will say this, Scott Skiles vs. Erik Spoelstra is not a good matchup for the Heat.  Skiles once had 30 assists in a game, and Spoelstra never played in the NBA.  Scott Skiles looks like he could kill a badger with his bare hands and Spoelstra looks like he wipes his ass with the finest linen.  But don't forget this: Dwayne Wade!

Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Utah Jazz:

Cavaliers:
Mike Brown (coach)
LeBron James
Daniel Green

Jazz:
Jerry Sloan (coach)
Deron Williams
Kosta Koufos

Matchup Notes:Finally, the Cavs will get their comeuppance in this tourney after 2 very easy rounds.  That being said, this game could go either way, really.  I would say it hinges on the ability of Utah to abuse Mike Brown with an angry Jerry Sloan. 

Boston Celtics vs. Sacramento Kings:

Celtics
Doc Rivers (coach)
Paul Pierce
J.R. Giddens

Sacramento Kings:
Paul Westphal (coach)
Kevin Martin
Jon Brockman

Matchup Notes:The C's narrowly escaped the Suns in Round 2, while the Kings administered a shocking spanking to the Lakers. Beware, Kings.  The Celtics do not have a nearly crippled head coach a la the Lakers.  By the way, Doc Rivers has an absolutely humongous nose. 

Round 1 is in the books and there were only a few surprises.  Remember when voting: You have to asses the coaches as they are right now, not as they were as players.  In other words, guys like Phil Jackson who can barely walk would be a great disservice to thier teams. (of course, you could always park Phil under the hoop, he's like 6-7 still.)  Without further ado, it's time to ratchet up round 2.

Portland Trailblazers vs. Minnesota Timberwolves:

Portland Trailblazers:
Nate McMillan (coach)
Brandon Roy
Dante Cunningham

Wolves:
Kurt Rambis (coach)
Al Jefferson
Jason Hart

Matchup Notes:Portland had a first round bye, and the Wolves narrowly escaped the closest of the 1st round matchups with a 53%-47% win over the Nuggets.  This should be one of the best matchups of the 2nd round.  Both coaches look like they could still scrap a bit, both teams have a solid star, and a bad 12th man.  I wonder if Rambis would still rock goggles in a 3-on-3 tournament.  I bet he would.

Oklahoma City Thunder vs. Orlando Magic:

Thunder:
Scotty Brooks (coach)
Kevin Durant
Ryan Bowen

Magic:
Stan Van Gundy (coach)
Dwight Howard
Anthony Johnson

Matchup Notes:Both teams had easy games in the first round.  This is a classic matchup.  Each team presents severe match-up problems for each other.  Is Stan Van Gundy the size of the Goodyear Blimp?  Almost.  But that would help in the pick game.  Too bad Howard and Johnson are not pick and pop or pick and roll players. 

Miami Heat vs. New Orleans Hornets:

Heat:
Erik Spoelstra (coach)
Dwayne Wade
Jamaal Magloire

Hornets:
Jeff Bower (coach)
Chris Paul
Sean Marks

Matchup Notes:I was a little surprised by how easily the Heat won their first round match vs. the Spurs.  I know that Spoelstra was no world beater on the court, but he has to be better than Bower.  Bower is a tub-of-lard, frankly.  Otherwise, a good matchup. 

Indiana Pacers vs. Milwaukee Bucks:

Pacers:
Jim O'brien (coach)
Danny Granger
Josh McRoberts

Bucks:
Scott Skiles (coach)
Brandon Jennings
Fransisco Elson

Matchup Notes:Both teams won handily in round 1.  I have the Bucks as my dark horse in this tourney, but I could be wrong and they could easily lose here.  I think Skiles may be the best playing coach in the tournament, as he still looks to be in good shape, and you know he could bring some legendary intensity.  Add to that the fact that Elson is a decent defender and could set picks for the Jennings and Skiles and I'm intrigued.  That being said, Granger is by far the best player on the court, so it's a good debate. 

Clevland Cavaliers vs. Los Angeles Clippers:

Cavaliers:
Mike Brown (coach)
LeBron James
Daniel Green

Clippers:
Mike Dunleavey, Sr. (coach)
Chris Kaman
Brian Skinner

Matchup Notes:The Cavs had the easiest road to round 2, and the Clipper manhandled the Nets as well.  I know LeBron James is a world-beater, but have you seen Kaman this year?  He looks pretty unstoppable.  Brian Skinner has the greatest gold-tipped goatee I've ever seen on a man, which can only help the Clips.  But then again, LeBron has the rotund Mike Brown to set picks for him.  We'll see. 

Dallas Mavericks vs. Utah Jazz:

Mavericks:
Rick Carlisle (coach)
Dirk Nowitzki
Matt Carrol

Jazz:
Jerry Sloan (coach)
Deron Williams
Kosta Koufos

Matchup Notes:The Mavs had an easy first round while the Jazz had a tougher than expected matchup vs. the Raptors.  This should be a good game as well.  Koufos is not a 12th man on most teams, and could at least provide decent defense on Nowitzki, especially without refs to bail out Dirk.  Deron could get to the bucket at will against Carrol, like he does against everyone.  I think the Carlisle-Sloan matchup would be the key.  I know who I like.  We'll see if I'm right. 

Boston Celtics vs. Phoenix Suns:

Celtics
Doc Rivers (coach)
Paul Pierce
J.R. Giddens

Suns:
Alvin Gentry
Steve Nash
Taylor Griffin

Matchup Notes:Btoh teams coasted in round 1.  Man, this one is good.  I see Griffin-Giddens as a tie of suckiness.  Rivers has a clear edge over Gentry.  Pierce-Nash is a toss up.  Who prevails, size and strength, or speed and craftiness? 

Los Angeles Lakers vs. Sacramento Kings:

Lakers:
Phil Jackson (coach)
Kobe Bryant
Adam Morrison

Sacramento Kings:
Paul Westphal (coach)
Kevin Martin
Jon Brockman

Matchup Notes:The Lakers killed Memphis in round 1, while the Kings got a first round bye.  Basically, this is 2 on 3, but you have to say that one of the 2 is Kobe Bryant.  That being said, attacking Phil Jackson will not be difficult.  Of course, attacking Adam Morrison would not be difficult either.  I don't know who to pick on this one, honestly. 

Every NBA team is made up of 12 active players.  Each team has a star or top player, and everyone has that bum on the end of the bench who gets in every once in awhile, gets paid more than it takes me 40 years to earn, but never does anything.  Every team also has a coach who thinks he knows it all, barking at his players, but not having to back up anything on the court.   

So I got to thinking, what if there were a 3-on-3 tournament where an NBA team's best player was teamed with the coach and an end of the bench guy?  What team would win?  Why did I think that?  Just because I wanted to and I'm on opiates for back pain. So stick it, sucka. 

I chose the team's best players based on my opinion.  The coach was obvious.  The 12th man is a guy who has played in at least one game this year, but is playing the fewest minutes for his team.  All teams were placed into a hat and randomly drawn out and seeded. I got a 30 team bracket off of the internet.  It should be noted that I'm not basing the coach on who he was at his athletic peak, but on how he would play if the tournament were held today. 2 teams get first round byes. This tournament will last a few days, so please, vote and leave comments so this can be a fun exercise. This might actually take as long as the real NBA playoffs to finish. 

Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Denver Nuggets:

Wolves:
Kurt Rambis (coach)
Al Jefferson
Jason Hart

Nuggets:
George Karl (coach)
Carmelo Anthony
Johan Petro

Matchup Notes: The Wolves are stacked with a good post presence, the only ball handler (Hart) in this match up, and a hustling maniac in Kurt Rambis, who I assure you could still foul with the best of them.  The Nuggets have a big weakness with George Karl, who looks like the only thing he's dunked lately is a donut.  But don't count out the Nuggets,who have the best player and a shot blocking big man in Petro. 

Oklahoma City Thunder vs. Washington Wizards:

Thunder:
Scotty Brooks (coach)
Kevin Durant
Ryan Bowen

Wizards:
Flip Saunders (coach)
Gilbert Arenas
Paul Davis

Matchup Notes: Brooks was a journeyman NBA point guard who is still in decent shape.  Saunders was a solid college player who has also stayed thin. Brown and Davis are about a wash, so the real match up here is between Durant and Arenas.  Oh, as a side note, I saw Davis on some reality dating show called the Millionaire Matchmaker.  He told the matchmaking broad his next contract would be for 30 million.  This was while he was a backup for the Clippers. I belive the next contract (his current one) was a minimum one.  Man, agents can get in a guy's head, can't they? 

Detroit Pistons vs. Orlando Magic:

Pistons:
John Kuester (coach)
Ben Gordon
Chucky Atkins

Magic:
Stan Van Gundy (coach)
Dwight Howard
Anthony Johnson

Matchup Notes: Kuester was a pro player, but is very old looking.  However, he has a huge advantage over Stan Van Gundy, unless we are having a "who looks most like a porn star" competition, which we are not.  Otherwise, kind of an interesting match-up. 

San Antonio Spurs vs. Miami Heat:

Spurs:
Greg Popovich (coach)
Tim Duncan
Malik Hairston

Heat:
Erik Spoelstra (coach)
Dwayne Wade
Jamaal Magloire

Matchup Notes: Neither coach was an amazing player, but Spoelstra looks to have an advantage in sheer age.  Oh, and wasn't Jamaal Magloire an All-Star once?  Kind of cheapens it, doesn't it?

Golden State Warriors vs. New Orleans Hornets:

Warriors:
Don Nelson (coach)
Monta Ellis
Acie Law

Hornets:
Jeff Bower (coach)
Chris Paul
Sean Marks

Matchup Notes: Don Nelson has his number retired by the Celtics, and Jeff Bower looks like a plumber who is 5 minutes from a heart attack.  Of course, at this point, Nelson isn't looking too trim himself.  Watch out for heart attacks, people, and watch out for ACIE LAW!

Houston Rockets vs. Indiana Pacers:

Rockets:
Rick Adelman (coach)
Trevor Ariza
Brian Cook

Pacers:
Jim O'brien (coach)
Danny Granger
Josh McRoberts

Matchup Notes:Adelman was a pro, O'brien, nothing.  Both are old and look to be poor additions to their teams.  Josh McRoberts needs a haircut.  Brian Cook is bad.

Milwaukee Bucks vs. Atlanta Haws:

Bucks:
Scott Skiles (coach)
Brandon Jennings
Fransisco Elson

Hawks:
Mike Woodson
Joe Johnson
Jason Collins

Matchup Notes: You don't think that Scott Skiles could step on the court and play tenacious d for 10 minutes a night in the NBA to this very day on piss-and-vinegar alone?  I do.  Add to that the fact that Mike Woodson looks like a black Mr. Belvedere and you have a huge mismatch there.  Oh, and don't forget that I think that a team of you, me, and Corky from Life Goes On could challenge Jason, Jarron, and Doug Collins and win. 

Cleaveland Cavaliers vs. Charlotte Bobcats:

Cavaliers:
Mike Brown (coach)
LeBron James
Daniel Green

Charlotte Bobcats:
Larry Brown (coach)
Gerald Wallace
DeSagana Diop

Matchup Notes:Ah, a match up of 2 Browns.  Neither looks good, but you have to give Mike the nod due to the many hip replacements of Larry.  Diop is a fun word to say.  Like a "diop" of rain.

Los Angeles Clippers vs. New Jersey Nets:

Clippers:
Mike Dunleavey, Sr. (coach)
Chris Kaman
Brian Skinner

Nets:
Lawrence Frank (coach)
Brook Lopez
Jarvis Hayes

Matchup Notes: Dunleavy was a solid NBA player, and Lawrence Frank is about 5 foot 2.  Add to that the fact that Lawrence, Brook, and Jarvis are about the 3 least intimidating names and you have a good matchup here.  Oh, and let's not count out the fact that Kaman looks like he still hasn't heard of the invention of fire or the wheel. 

Dallas Mavericks vs. Philadelphia 76ers:

Mavericks:
Rick Carlisle (coach)
Dirk Nowitzki
Matt Carrol

76ers:
Eddie Jordan (coach)
Andre Iguodala
Primoz Brezec

Matchup Notes:Eddie Jordan was a much better pro than Carlisle, and I'll bet he would be an asset to his team.  I'm not pointing fingers, but I think he might still even be better than someone whose name rhymes with Drimoz Grezec. 

Toronto Raptors vs. Utah Jazz:

Raptors:
Jay Triano (coach)
Chris Bosh
Marcus Banks

Jazz:
Jerry Sloan (coach)
Deron Williams
Kosta Koufos

Matchup Notes:Jay Triano is one of the best Canadian basketball players ever, which is kind of like being one of the best Backstreet Boys. I mean, you probably got laid a lot, but still, man.  Jerry Sloan, on the other hand, is a Bulls legend and would shut down most of the coaches in the league through sheer force of will, scare tactics, and prolific swearing.  Koufos sounds like a type of Greek bean dip. 

Chicago Bulls vs. Boston Celtics:

Bulls:
Vinny Del Negro (coach)
Joakim Noah
Lindsey Hunter

Celtics
Doc Rivers (coach)
Paul Pierce
J.R. Giddens

Matchup Notes:A rematch of last year's epic playoff series, this one lacks some of the luster of that match up, despite having 2 of the better playing coaches in the NBA.  You can that lack of luster the "J.R. Giddens Factor." When Brian Scalabrine is above you on the depth chart, you have issues. Oh, and don't try to tell me Derrick Rose is the best Bulls player.  I live in the real world where what you do on the court is more important than hype, and Rose is not playing well this year, at all. 

Phoenix Suns vs. New York Knicks:

Suns:
Alvin Gentry
Steve Nash
Taylor Griffin

Knicks:
Mike D'Antoni
David Lee
Marcus Landry

Matchup Notes: This is D'Antoni versus his former team, literally.  I want you to honestly imagine D'Antoni trying to guard Steve Nash on a pick and roll.  Have you seen how pissed this guy gets?  I'll bet he'd drop so many "G-D's" on Lee and Landry for not defending the pick and roll correctly that they wouldn't even know what hit them. 

Los Angeles Lakers vs. Memphis Grizzlies:

Lakers:
Phil Jackson (coach)
Kobe Bryant
Adam Morrison

Grizzlies:
Lionel Hollins (coach)
Rudy Gay
Trey Gilder

Matchup Notes: Now we'll see how great Kobe Bryant is, trying to drag around the nearly crippled Phil Jackson and the nearly talentless Adam Morrison.  Luckily, I've barely heard of 1 of the 3 Grizzlies players. 

First Round BYES:

Portland Trailblazers:

Nate McMillan (coach)
Brandon Roy
Dante Cunningham

Sacramento Kings:

Paul Westphal (coach)
Kevin Martin
Jon Brockman

We are not going to be able to post an article for the next couple of days, but please come back soon.  Boyd has promised a real gem of an article later this week that will be well worth the wait.  Until then I'll give you a topic.

Remember when Larry Brown was considered a genius because he took the Clippers to the playoffs?  Well he has sucked it up with the Bobcats and nobody is ringing the genius bell anymore.  I think if Phil Jackson was coaching the Bobcats they would still suck and he wouldn't be considered a good coach.

Discuss.