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I recently moved offices at my work. This is always a pain in the hind quarters as I take a lot of pride in my office decor. Well, I don't know if the word "pride" is really the correct one. I don't take a lot of pride in it per se, but I do try to decorate my office in a way that would be pleasing unto my weirdest friends. And dammit, there is something to be said for that.
A well decorated office should do 3 things. First, it should make a visitor scratch his head with some bewilderment upon first sight. Second, it should put a smile on my own face several times a week. And third, it should probably mildly offend my boss and embarrass my parents and family members.
I got the idea to decorate my office in a sports motif one day when I realized my parents were cleaning out me and my brother's old rooms. I found the mother lode of vintage posters from our childhood and decided it would make a good display of manliness in my mostly woman-filled office.
I will now give you a photographic tour around my office. I have named my 4 walls thus: The Beatles Wall, The Wall of Fame, The Wall of Weird, and The Wall of Shame.
THE BEATLES WALL:
This wall is so named because it has only one poster upon it, and it is the Beatles' famous Abbey Road Poster. To the left is my door, which I have chosen to leave undecorated for no other reason than I cannot force a pushpin into the wood. It just won't stick. I lack the strength.
Oh, and before anyone makes any snide comments, I know that I am a terrible photographer and that the majority of these pictures will be blurry and suck-tastic. And I also know that I'm bad at formatting and that the words and pictures might be all helter-skelter and unalined. Sue me HTML, genius.
I'm now going to go to my left wall:
THE WALL OF FAME:
This wall is named appropriately, for on it reside the posters of NBA Stars of my childhood:
Larry Bird
This is late-age Bird, he of the spiky, short hair. Gone is the vintage feathery mullet of the 80's, but Bird coyly gives a wink to those who think he's forgotten his country roots by rokkin' an awesome downy-soft blonde molestache. There will never be another one like the Hick from French Lick.
Dominique Wilkins
This poster adequately sums up Dominiuqe: Monster dunks. If the photo were better, you would see a fantastic flat top. Those shorts are so short I think I just saw 'Niques left nut. The really need to bring 'nutters back for the women.
Karl Malone
Here's the Mailman, throwing down a patented "Hammer Dunk" as Hot Rod Hundley would say. Unfortunately, in his later years, it became more of a hammer layup, but no matter. This poster lamentably pre-dates Karl's L.A. Gear phase, but is great nonetheless.
Michael Jordan
I honestly don't know how I came across this poster as no one in my family to my knowledge likes/liked MJ, but it is a great poster and certainly belongs on the Wall of Fame. If you squint and look below Michael's left foot, you can see a man in a brown jacket with a big, open-collared white shirt with grey hair and a little grey moustache. He looks like my 8th grade Spanish teacher Senor Erickson. That makes me happy every time I look at it.
WALL OF WIERD:
This wall consists of strange little things that I have collected over time that bring me joy.
Creepy Girl Velvet Picture
There is something absolutely hypnotic about Creepy Girl, and I use it to my advantage. Many a time I've called a co-worker into my office, had them gaze into the eyes of Creepy Girl, then used the gentle whisper of the hypnotist to control them, seducing them, both man and woman, into doing my will, be it what it may. Mostly to give me 65 cents to get a Coke, but sometimes other things as well.
Mini New York Mets Pennant
I really like this item for a number of reasons. I like how it was obtained: At the yearly customer appreciation carnival held by my brother-in-law's employer that we attend. My wife had to throw some balls into a weird bowling thing. I don't even think she did it successfully. I believe the pennant was a consolation prize. I also like that the pennant is of the poorest craftsmanship and is maybe 4 inches wide, yet it sits front and center on the wall that visitors look upon first when entering my office.
NBA on NBC
I can honestly say that I have no clue where or how I got this cardboard NBA on NBC poster. I can't even remember when the NBA was on NBC, nor am I going to Google it. I just know that I'm glad that I did come upon this little gem because every time I look at it, music comes to my head. This music: (watch the whole video, you will notbe disappointed.)
JOHN TESHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WALL OF SHAME:
Okay, it's time to be honest. Wall of Shame may be a little strong as a title for this wall, but I wasn't going to call it "Wall of Unmet Potential." These guys aren't really all that shameful (except one), but none of them became what they were touted to be and for that, I douse upon them SHAME.
Gregg Jefferies:
Any Met fan from around 1987 or 88 will remember this guy and how he was supposed to be the next Ted Williams. He hit like .730 in the minors and was supposed to have power to all fields. Well, he didn't. He was okay, but mostly as a Met he blew chunks, although he did go on to have a serviceable career. I don't even think his Mom has a poster of him, frankly.
Eric Davis:
Ah, the next Willie Mays. Power, speed, fielding, Davis had it all. The problem was he couldn't stay on the field, never playing more than 135 games in a season. I don't remember if he was doing cocaine with Rock Raines in the 80's or not, although it being the 80's I'd put it at 50/50, but it seem that Davis was a good guy. But the next Willie Mays? Davis isn't even worthy to drink out of Mays' sweaty jockstrap.
Dee Brown:
Remember when Dee Brown won the dunk contest? 6 foot 1 with the no-look jam? I remember the next day everyone at school saying they were going to get the Reebok Pumps because they helped you jump. Or so we thought. Dee was okay, not a bad guy at all, but he, like Kenny "Sky" Walker and Harold "Baby Jordan" Minor never lived up to the Slam Dunk Champ hype. Maybe if Dee had spent less time pumpin' his Pumps and more time practicing, then the Celtics wouldn't have lost to the Charlotte Hornets in 1993 while Dee shot 37%. But I'm not bitter.
Last, but certainly not least:
Darryl Strawberry:
Oh, Darryl. What bad thing didn't you do? Cocaine, booze, prostitutes, domestic violence, suicide attempts, man you did them all and you did the hell out of them. Straw had the sweetest stroke, but it's hard to hit the ball when you're all coked out, I can imagine. Darryl was kind of like Lindsay Lohan only 20 years in the future. All the potential in the world, but 2 stints in rehab and Lord knows what else and there's nothing good left to say about you. While I was writing this, a co-worker came in and told me that Darryl had joined some born-again Christian church with his Dad and that his Dad had tried to convince him to join by giving him autographed Darryl memorabilia. I'm just gonna say, any church Darryl's a part of, just run the other way.
So that's it. Those are the walls of my office. Was that indulgent? Of course. But I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.
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The posters of Bird/Nique/Malone/MJ could not be better, but what is more is your descriptions that go with them!
And, that youtube clip: pure gold! I can only say one thing though, those people in the crowd did not look nearly excited enough for my liking -- I would have been jumping out in the aisles dancing! Classic stuff.